I remember about 3 weeks before I had my first little girl, Nimbus, having this overwhelming feeling that I didn’t want to leave the house to give birth. We had it all planned out to have her at a birth center, 8+ months of commitment to the process, then all of a sudden one day I was sitting on my bed and I felt extremely reclusive.

My partner, Harley, was skeptical at first because we had planned for so long but he was supportive of my decision to have her at home. Just like that Julie, our Mindful Birthing mentor put us in touch with Carrie, an in home midwife. I knew when I met Carrie that she was exactly the support that I wanted.

On Sunday Sept 30th, I felt like something was different. Harley took me to the waterfalls and I stood in the water, thanking Mother Gaia for the strength and flow I felt I would need to bring Nimbus into the world. We left the falls, went home and lounged around watching movies together. It was just around 7PM that I started having what I believed to be contractions.

Harley was so excited, we decided to time them for practice! After all, Nim was expected in just 3 days and I hadn’t experienced any braxton hicks, so we got out the timer on his phone and started counting. We weren’t expecting them to be so regular. Every 5 minutes, then every 4, 3, 2… Harley went into support mode and started calling Carrie around 1AM. We believed it was time.

Around 4AM Carrie and her helper arrived, I was already completely naked by that time and doing a lot of low moaning as well as pacing the house. She checked me and said I was 4CM, she recommended a circuit to help open me up. However, my body had other plans. I just felt the need to walk and squat, moaning through each contraction.

Harley was present with me every moment, squeezing my hips, holding me up by my knees when I went into hanging squats. The night went by so quickly. Then there was a stillness. Carrie and her assistant took a nap on the sofa, Harley took a nap on the bed. My job was just to pace myself and give thanks to my body for the work we were doing, I was in my own space, there wasn’t much anyone else could do at that point.

The sun began to rise, I was getting tired but I was knew it wouldn’t be much longer. Naturally, my body began to push around 10AM. The sensation wasn’t one that I could control, the flow just came, a perfect rhythm. Carrie came and helped me to ease into the push as opposed to resisting it. I started to get low, hands and knees low, I could feel Nim was close.

All around me began a beautiful stir. Carrie began laying down pads, it was pretty clear that I had claimed a certain space on the floor just below our bed. They fed me spoonfuls of honey and Harley was changing out cold rags on my forehead and neck. This was it.

My supporters were all there, we were all ready. I’ll never forget Carrie’s mantra that day, ringing in my ear with such soothing confidence, “that’s the way, mama, that’s the way.”

At 11AM, October 1st, Nimbus came out in one big, final push. Head and body, all at once. I’ll never forget hearing that beautiful cry, her perfect little voice. Heaven was there in our bedroom that day. I am so glad I chose to have her at home, we got to snuggle immediately and she didn’t even have to wear clothes for the first 10 days of her life. There will never be a more incredible experience for me than Nim’s home birth.

Harley and I had all the time in the world to just stare in awe at our beautiful creation. Time stood still that day and we knew love differently than we ever had.